yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
