no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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