Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
