One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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