I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
