saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
