i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
