so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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