That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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