Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
