i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
