'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
