Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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