Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
