Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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