hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
