At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
