Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
