no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
