There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
