some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize