And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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