I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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