Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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