Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
