Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
