Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
