he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
