matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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