I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
