if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
