Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
