Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
