You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
