I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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