why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
