he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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