I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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