if i can run in heels then i can drive
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
