We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
