fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
