It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
