Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
