What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
