i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
