At least make sure they are 18
Why
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
