I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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