i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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