He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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