there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
