When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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