If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
