I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
