I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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