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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't get it.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Me neither.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  But I masturbated to it anyway.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

  Fav 15 5884 1098

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.

  Fav 14 3730 981

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum

  Fav 1 1029 509

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going

  Fav 5 821 357

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.

  Fav 1 390 119

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.

  Fav 0 82 9

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