Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
