So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
