if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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