the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
