Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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