I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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