I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
