I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
