Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
