I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
