Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
