girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
