I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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