I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
