Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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