He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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