I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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