Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
