My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
