my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i have herpe
just one?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
