Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
