Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
