what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
