fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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