I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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