well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
