Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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