we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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